To lose a padwan
by mimnim
Summary: How does Mace feel when his padwan (Depa Billaba) turns to the dark side? Qui Gon comforts him. You don't need to know Depa to read this. Set before Ep 1. Friendship. Fluff. No slash. Sad. Slight AU (you probably won't notice).


**A/N: Hi everyone!**

 **Please read this! This story is set in a slight AU where Depa Billaba turned to the dark side before ep1. If you don't know who Depa was, she was Mace Windu's padwan.  
**

 **One shot. Fluff and friendship. no slash.**

Qui Gon gently knocked on Mace Windu's door. He had just returned from a mission, to find that, to his dismay, Mace's padwan, Depa had turned to the dark side.

He could not imagine how Mace was feeling right now, - _or pretending not to feel-_ he thought wryly.

They had been friends since they first met as initiates, no Jedi knew Mace as well as Qui Gon did, which was why he was here now. To make sure Mace was really OK, whatever he said.

Which was why he was not at all surprised when their was no answer. Mace would never ever ask for help if he thought he didn't need it. Or accept any.

But he was there, Qui Gon could feel his presence in the force.

Qui Gon opened the door, and walked in (closing the door behind him of course).

Mace was sitting on the sofa with his back to Qui Gon, staring out of the window.

"When one doesn't answer the door, it generally means that they want to be alone," Mace grumbled.

"I just heard about Depa," Qui Gon sat down next to Mace.

Mace didn't reply.

Qui Gon then tried to talk to him, to reach out to him, through the force. He had barely begun when he was pushed away (mentally) by the strongest force shields he had ever felt.

"It's rude to try and read minds," Mace commented, his voice staying unemotional.

Quite Gon sighed. He knew Mace was hurting, secretly.

They sat there for a few more moments, neither one of them saying anything.

Suddenly a single tear made it'so way down Mace'so cheek. He wiped it away furiously.

Quite Gon was shocked. Mace never cried. Never. Ever. It just didn't happen.

He gently put his arm round him, and kept it their firmly, even when Mace tried to shake it off.

"I'm fine, " he lied crossly, "I'll b-be fine, j-just leave me alone," his voice cracked.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his head in them so Qui Gon could not see him cry. He wanted to be strong. This was not the Jedi way. He should not have grown attached to Depa.

"It's all my fault," he whispered to Qui Gon.

"No it's not," Qui Gon countered, "she made her choice of he own accord,"

"You don't understand so do don't pretend to," was Mace's bitter reply.

"I do," Qui Gon said, "I do Mace, I really do," he was of course thinking of Xanatos.

"What makes you think it was all your fault?" Qui Gon asked. He knew that Mace would feel better if he just stop suppressing his emptions.

"I... I let her use Vaapad! I taught her... I taught her how to use the dark side. If I hadn't, maybe she would still be here... I never encouraged her... I... I only told when she was doing stuff wrong... She hated me... That hate fueled her and... And made go to the dark side..." Mace fell back into silence, still trying to suppress his tears.

"Do you remember that class we had as initiates? Where we had to release our feelings into the force?" asked Qui Gon.

"I remember that you would have failed if I hadn't helped you," Mace replied quietly. "What is your point?"

"Can't you do that now?" asked Qui Gon.

Mace sighed gulpingly.

"It's hard," he mumbled, "You know that, it involves fully feeling it first, which is why it is not often used,"

"Mace, I know that we are Jedi, but before that we are humans. You do have emotions, whatever people say, and I know that you are sad. You need to stop suppressing, and feel it fully. You will feel better afterwards, I promise,"

Mace nodded, taking a deep breath.

He closed his eyes. This was going to be hard.

He stopped suppressing all his emotions.

The sadness and guilt hit him like a brick wall.

Qui Gon hugged him tightly.

Mace started to really cry, silently.

Apart from Qui Gon, Depa was the only persone Mace had ever close too.

And now she was gone. The Dark side had her.

He had trained a sith. It was his fault that she was now a sith.

And he could never see Depa again. He would never spar with her in the training hall, or feel proud when she passed a test.

Or plat her padwan braid.

Or give her a rare smile.

He had never felt so alone. In this galaxy of millions if people he had only one friend left. Qui Gon. Made did not know what he would do if he ever lost Qui Gon. He knew that he should not get attached to anyone, it was against the code. But for once, Mace questioned the code, what was a life without friends?

"Thank you," he whispered, "Thank you,"

Though he was also sad, Qui Gon, smiled.

"Anytime Mace, anytime... "

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Just a quick question: would anyone be interested in a story about Mace's next padwan? It would mainly be a family-hurt/comfort story,**


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